


Don't Think

by EarthboundJedi



Category: Trollhunters (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Sorry Not Sorry, Trollhunters Fanbook
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-29
Updated: 2019-11-29
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:20:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21602107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EarthboundJedi/pseuds/EarthboundJedi
Summary: My piece I wrote earlier this year for theTrollhunters Fanbook, featuring the infamous Bathtub Scene. You're welcome. ;)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 37





	Don't Think

The sound of running water echoed in the bathroom, steam gently rising as the tub slowly filled. Merlin’s instructions rang loud in Jim’s head:  _ Pour the elixir into water. Submerge yourself in said water, and - presto! You will be born anew. _

Jim swallowed and dumped the contents of the jar into the water. Letting the jar tumble onto the rug beside him, he watched as the inky substance clouded the tub, quickly spreading and blotting out any clarity the water once held.

_ Am I making the right choice? _

Suddenly feeling weak-kneed, Jim sat back onto the closed toilet lid. He fished the amulet out of his pocket, trembling as he gripped the cool metal between his hands. It seemed like it was only yesterday that he had found it under the canals, flinging him into a world of magic and danger that he had been completely unprepared for. He hadn’t really had a choice back then. And at first, it had been terrifying _. _ Running from Bular, facing Draal, never quite sure if he was going to live long enough to take his next Spanish exam… Looking back, he longed for the straightforward goal of those initial challenges: survival.

Now he literally had to save the world.

_ But is this really the best way to do it? _

Cradling the amulet, he weighed his options.  _ I’ve fought plenty of battles already and survived. That has to count for something, right? I defeated Bular, bested Angor Rot, and rescued Claire’s brother from the Darklands - Me, a  _ human _. _

_ Shouldn't that mean I’m enough, just the way I am? _

_ But... it’s different this time. My friends, my family, the whole world needs me. They need their Trollhunter. And I can’t risk failing. If I do... _

Heart heavy in the back of his throat, Jim took a tremulous breath and traced the face of the amulet. He thought he heard the distant sound of his phone vibrating, but it was hard to hear anything over the pounding of his pulse. Again, Jim recalled Merlin’s words:  _ You need to become both troll  _ and  _ hunter. _

Forcing himself to take a deep breath, he stood up and positioned himself in front of the sink. He clutched the amulet in one hand, using the other to wipe away some of the condensation on the mirror. His reflection stared back at him, somehow looking even more tired than he felt. Bags hung under his eyes and worry hardened the edges of his features.

_ You need to be more. _

Jim held out the amulet, “For the Glory of Merlin, Daylight is mine to command.” The usual transformation sequence started, engulfing him in blue light while the pieces of his armor slowly started to appear, as if deliberately making a show of how impressive the whole process was. The air buzzed with static electricity and overloaded the bulbs above the vanity, extinguishing their light with a dramatic  _ pop _ . But Jim’s eyes never left his reflection. He stared straight ahead, right at the more warrior-like version of himself he was becoming by the second. And yet, despite all the magic and armor, there was the nagging voice in the back of his head warning him that it still wasn’t enough - that  _ he  _ wasn't enough.

His focus shifted to the reflection of the bathtub in the mirror.

To say he was afraid would be an understatement. He had no idea what Merlin’s elixir would do, couldn't fathom the things he would lose. For all he knew, whatever waited for him beneath the water's surface  _ still _ wouldn't be enough to win the war against Gunmar and Morgana. But if there was even a  _ chance _ he could stop the unimaginable horrors heading their way… 

With measured steps, Jim turned away from the mirror and made his way back to the bathtub. The bathroom was small - how he, Toby, and two trolls had all managed to squeeze in here at the same time, he'd never know - and the tub was, at most, maybe only a couple feet away. But it might as well have been a couple miles. His armor weighed him down more than usual, turning each step into a stamina-draining struggle.

_ I can do this. Just a couple more steps... _

Someone started pounding on the door. “Jim? Are you in there?”

_ Mom. _

His foot hovering above the edge of the tub, Jim nearly lost all resolve right then and there, suddenly wanting nothing more than to unlock the door and collapse into his mother’s arms. He wavered as the pounding continued, followed by the frantic jiggling of the doorknob.

“Jim? What’s happening?” his mom pleaded, “Please let us in! Are you okay?”

He wanted to answer. But he didn’t trust himself to answer in a level tone. And he didn’t really know what words he would say, unsure if he really was - or would be - okay. So he stood there, staring numbly at the door as his mother and, presumably, his friends kept beating at the door.

He willed himself to move. To do something,  _ anything.  _ Instead he remained frozen in place, divided as to what he should do.

_ It's not too late… is it? _

_ Is this really what I have to do? _

_ What if Merlin is wrong? What if there's a different choice I can make? _

“Jim!” The sound of Claire’s cry was nearly enough to convince him to unlock the door. He loved her. Of that he was certain. And if he went through with this, whatever ‘this’ was, he couldn’t imagine that they’d be able to stay together. He would lose her. Just as he would lose his mom. And Toby. And everyone else.

Lead coursed through his veins.

_ I… I can’t do this. _

_ I can’t lose them. _

Despair building inside of him, he found himself reaching for the door.

But it was Claire’s next sentence that stopped him in his tracks. “Jim, they’ve freed Morgana!”

Her words hung in the air as Jim's stomach sank. He didn't really have a choice. Not anymore.

He lowered his hand, a solemn sense of purpose overtaking him as he turned back to the tub. Steeling himself, he took a deep breath and placed one foot into the water. Then the other foot. The water had cooled off some but still felt pleasantly warm, even through his armor. Though no amount of warmth would be enough to ease away the cold knot in the middle of his chest.

The pounding on the door intensified. “Young Atlas,” Strickler called out, “you are not alone! Don’t do this! Open the door!”

Jim sat down in the tub, maneuvering so he would be able to lie down completely in the murky liquid. His heart rate sped up as the water surrounded him, terror of the unknown gripping his insides like a merciless, constricting claw. He took a few short breaths, calling to mind Blinky’s words of inspiration from so long ago.

_ Never forget that fear is but the precursor to valor, that to strive and triumph in the face of fear is what it means to be a hero. _

Leaning back, he let the water gradually swallow up his torso, followed by his shoulders and neck. Once his ears were about to be submerged, Jim squeezed his eyes shut. The water blocked out the cries of his friends and family, leaving room for Merlin’s words to once again echo inside his head.

_ There is no going back. Part of you will remain Jim, but the other part will never be the same. _

He hesitated once more, aware of the bathwater gently lapping against the sides of his face. Cool, damp air filled his lungs with every breath. He dug deep within himself, mustering up every last scrap of courage he possibly could.

_ Don’t think. _

With one final breath, Jim let himself sink beneath the surface of the water.


End file.
